Courageously afraid
I’m really not sure what the opposite of fear is. But I know that like you (and me), my clients have a lot of fears associated with being ‘good’ business owners.
Being afraid all the time, even some of the time, sucks.
I’m a big believer in the need to focus on our desired end result.
And since energy follows intention, your desired end result can’t contain something you want to avoid. So, I don’t want clients to focus on ‘not being fearful.’ Instead, I want them to imagine what it feels like for them to feel the way they desire. For me, that's calm confidence.
Take a minute and give it a try. Imagine feeling great about your business and your role as owner.
How does your body feel? What are you thinking? Where are you located? Who’s around you? What are you working on?
See it?
Feel it?
You've just identified how a successful coaching relationship will help you feel. Your desired outcome.
With this information, you're ready to evaluate the state current state of your businesses and make an honest assessment about what scares you - what's standing between you and your desired end result.
What’s required next isn’t the absence or opposite of fear.
It’s courage.
Courage is what we experience when we are willing to take action despite being afraid. One isn’t courageous if they do something they don’t fear.
Isn’t that crazy!
By definition, you act with courage when you do something that frightens you or act with strength in the face of pain or grief. And fear is defined as an ‘unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.’ Often, the underlying beliefs we have about what it means if we fail, succeed, relinquish control, etc. are allowed to dictate the choices we make.
If I believe failing will cause me to lose the trust of someone I admire, I’m not going to fully implement growth strategies that feel risky. I’m going to hedge my bets and keep things small to stay safe. Likewise, if I believe that success will create a chasm between me and family or friends who will feel like I’ve ‘become someone else’ or ‘forgotten where I came from,’ I may set my goals lower than what I know I’m capable of achieving so as to not jeopardize the relationship.
Our fear may be based on a learned belief that’s gone unexamined, like the idea that ‘I’m not good with money,’ which we decide can’t be true if we want to have a profitable business. So we start behaving like someone who is good with money and change our beliefs. Or we might get caught up in imagining all the things that could go wrong at the exclusion of what might happen if everything goes right, in which case we need a new perspective. Then again, sometimes our fear is based on a clear understanding of what will happen as a result of us taking action and we have to decide whether we are prepared to live with the disappointment of not taking action or the consequences of creating what we desire.
My hope is that when clients are on the precipice of being timid, pulling back, freezing or fleeing in reaction to the unknown, they will choose to examine the belief that is driving their fears. If they are, then how do they become courageous?
I believe knowledge and understanding is where we find our courage and the ability to make new choices about how to react when faced with our fears about failure, success, being enough, having what it takes, securing the money and people we need, appearing competent, meeting the expectations of others, and losing control. But you may have noticed that simply being more knowledgeable about business topics doesn’t often relieve your fear of being able to bridge the gap between knowing what you want or need to do and doing it. Likewise, more information and new ideas can lead to feeling overwhelmed by too many choices and opportunities.
Herein lies the power of having a coach.
Coaches help create an environment where business owners can examine their beliefs, acquire knowledge and understanding, make plans, and take action.
For coachees, part of the experience is knowing you’re not alone. You are working with someone who has faced these fears before, challenged similar underlying beliefs, seen strategies others have used to achieve success, and is totally committed to your success.
Your coach is also responsible for helping you DO the things that will provide evidence of your ability to achieve your goals. Some of this is a result of helping you decide what to do next to move toward your desired end result. Clarity of purpose makes it easier to decide where to put your energies.
Another part is creating an environment of accountability in which you feel accountable to yourself having made commitments to your business that your coach helps keep you aligned with. This includes reflecting back to you what you have defined as your desired end result, especially when you might be getting off track.
Other techniques focus on helping you create an environment that support you in making decisions and taking action aligned to your goals. This may include time tracking, calendaring time to work on your business, updating and reviewing your financials, creating financial projections, implementing a business development plan, using a project management system, writing job descriptions, documenting SOPs, creating a standing meeting with your team, and/or using standing meeting agendas.
And, of course, your coach helps you raise your own bar, level up as they say, as you continue to grow your business and hit new milestones. Your coach should be committed to providing you with the insights, support, and encouragement you need to regularly reassess the current state of your business and reorient to new desired end results. This may be a shift from growing your team to finding ways to replace yourself so you can step out of day-to-day operations. Or you might be ready for your next adventure and turning your attention to figuring out what it will take to sell your business.
Some might say your coach helps you feel the fear but do it anyway. I prefer to think that coaches help you examine the fear, and acquire the knowledge and understanding you need to make intentional choices about what you want. Then, with their help, you can take action - act courageously - knowing you have the support and resources you need to succeed regardless of the outcome. Each time you do this, you become more confident in your abilities as a business owner and tap into the pleasant feeling of calm.
